Child Abuse: From the Eyes of a Survivor

 Child Abuse: From the Eyes of a Survivor

 

Since I was once a child, and am now a parent; I decided to to write something from personal experience: Child Abuse. 

 

However, that is not the only reason I have chosen this as my subject matter. 

 

The other reason is because I am a child abuse survivor. 

 

And before I even start, and before you even judge-allow me to say this: Child abuse IS a chain and a cycle. My mother was abused, as was her Mother, and so on it goes down the line. I have made it my goal in life, to make the buck stop with me. I've chosen and worked on this task alone and with the help of my husband. No guidance, no counseling, just the love and understanding of one's spouse who knew exactly what I went through in my life. 

 

My personal experiences with swats, belts, shoes, hot wheels racetracks and other weapons have made me very much on guard and in fear. They still haunt me to this day! I was so paranoid, that when I wed my husband at the young age of eighteen; when he would pull off his belt by the buckle and yank it through his pants; it would cause me to scream and cry. It wasn't long before my husband learned to leave the belt in his pants when he undressed.

Now mind you, I have no problem smacking the hand of a toddler and saying "No." It's when they get older and need their butts beat, that I encountered problems. For starters, I swing the belt, only to hit myself in the back. Not good. When nosey neighbors and family report you to the Child Welfare Agencies, you tell the agency you were abused and the caseworkers respond with, "Aaahhh......I get it." Immediate assumptions are made, and I'm labeled.

As the kids grow older more bad things are done that require punishments. I did the stand in the corner thing, the bar of soap for lying and cussing, grounding, time out, and removal of toys. But the only thing that ever accomplishes anything, I'm sorry to admit, is a swat. And I did a lousy job at giving them, and my kids made fun of me. I was told, "It felt like a cotton ball." That's fine, we'll wait until Daddy gets home. (Not too fair, it puts it off until he gets home and makes him the bad guy).

Anyway, Daddy takes off his belt, I cringe and he swats. By Jove, they feel his swats! They scream and tell us that they hate us. Mind you, only one swat, no over kill like I received. But none the less, my husband finds me in the bathroom crying. I can't take it. I physically see my siblings and I. And you would think after years of retraining and physically not seeing my siblings and I getting abused, that it would get easier. That I would adjust. But it just wasn't and isn't that easy.

 Eventually, as parents the kids get older, and fortunately for everyone involved- there are no needs for swats- not that they even ever received as many as you might even be thinking. My kids swats were far and few between, and they will tell you that! And again, only one to two! And yes, I am of course defending myself, because there are people out ther in this World who believe they should spare the rod!

And to top it off, the Child Welfare agencies do not make it an easier. The nosey neighbors, the School that tries to protect, the friends of the family, and most of all the family- always assume the worst, rather then ask how they can help. And then of course you have the School enforcing and instructing the Children "Mommy and Daddy can't beat you. If they do, you call this number." A child of most ages doesn't realize the word beat has many meanings and can be taken many different ways. Child Services doesn't say beat as in "bloody to a pulp." And the School doesn't say, beat as in "to death." They just say beat, and of course abuse.

Now don't get me wrong. I am not saying that there isn't a need for this agency, and I'm not saying that there aren't child abusers. Because I know darn good and well that there are. And the sad part is there are so many complaints, that the agencies cannot handle them all accordingly. Mind you, if Child Services could have a more reasonable way to deter the prank and bogus calls, I think it could get somewhere. A friend of mine, and myself came up with the following plan:

If you call in a complaint to the Child Welfare Agencies, and it is found out to be bogus, after the second or third call, your name and info, ALL of it, is given directly to the person that you made the call about. There will be no need to go through an Attorney or any legal maneuver to find out who did it. This way, the accused can approach the accuser, and ask why. I feel, yes, for some this could be a bad idea. I know there are people who think violence is the answer to everything. But for those of us who managed to irritate or offend our in-laws to have them call out of anger, to make your life miserable, then this would and could put a stop to it. Or at the very least, slow it down. It would also allow Child Services to focus on the real problems, rather than waste their time on the phony calls. While they are wasting their time on the bogus calls they received, someone could die. But like I said, this was something my friend and I thought up on our own. Yes, I know this is the real world, and nothing like this will ever happen. But it was a clever idea, now wasn't it?!

One thing that I insist with Child Welfare agencies, is that the caseworker should have children of their own, should have siblings and have studied Criminal Justice. This allows the caseworker to be familiar with sibling rivalry, parenting, and of course crime and criminals. This would also help in the inspection process when reports are made, rather they are fact or fiction, this would seemingly help a great deal.

So lets get point blank and personal-you want to know how I was abused? I have been asked this a number of times, to which I do have siblings witnesses, although the swat total, is different between the four of us....

I once had a very bad report card. I was told that I would get a certain figure of swats per "F." Prior to this incident, I had had surgery on my deviated septum, and was out of School for a period of time. My Parents didn't go to the School and pick up my make up home work. Therefore I had a bad report card, because the time frame didn't allow me time to get in my work, I was "supposed" to be doing it, while out of School, and at home. I brought home a straight "F" report card, even in Band and Art! I counted twenty four swats. Yes 24 was what you read. One of my siblings says 22, the other says 28. I do know that my butt, I am not kidding- did bleed. And my parents, oh I loved this: "This hurts me, more than it hurts you!"

When I went back to School the next day, my gym teacher asked if I would be dressing for gym class. I told her no. She wanted to know why. I SHOWED her why. My gym teacher reported my parents, my counselor reported my parents. Child Welfare agency investigated, and the case was closed, because I got what I was promised, and what I had ...um...allegedly asked for! This is one of y worst experiences, and trust me there are others.

My worst mental anguish came from my father, always hearing this all of my life: "I chose your Mother, not you." Those words have never ever left my head, and haunt me to this day. I have never said it to my Children, and neither has my husband. WE wanted our Children. WE chose to have them, each and every one of them! Children do not chose to be brought into this World! This is why I always say, watch what you say.

And I'd like to close with an eye opening poem that was emailed to me. The author of the poem, is given credit, as the author desired. That is all I have on the writer of this poem. But trust me, it will put a smile on your face!

I close with: Love your Children. You brought them into this World. YOU should love, adore them, nuture them, and be thankful that God has given you this blessing!

Online Stalkers: My Experiences

It Can Happen to Anyone

Deneale K. Williams, Yahoo Contributor Network
Sep 24, 2007

Lately, I have been having a problem with a stalker. I informed my sister, because I felt maybe she needed to be warned. She told me she had already known, because she was also being attacked. She pointed out an article she had written here on Associated Content regarding situations like this, and that the stalker we have was commenting on the article. The article was written to educate those of us who are having problems with people online and how to watch and recognize them and the problem. 

(Since this time Yahoo Voice and Associated Content have closed down so I have no idea where the article is currently located, and I apologize.)

I read the article, and thought of our harasser, which is someone I actually know. And then I wondered why someone would write any comments on the article, making them look further like a fool.

Presently this harasser, has had several different www.myspace.com accounts, or www.facebook.com, www.twitter.com, etc.and the content this person puts on the page, liked to have shocked both my sister and I. It was utterly appalling. Luckily with many letters to MySpace, the page owner has once again been deleted.

This situation, because one must protect ones self, has actually benefited both my sister and I. We have been talking to and fro on the phone a lot lately, laughing and giggling. Not that we are laughing or giggling about the harasser-but it gives us time to think, talk and catch up. So something good is coming from the situation.

Stalkers, must have a lot of time on their hands. And they must actually need someone to play with, thus the one they have chosen to harass. I wish I had that much time on my hands sometimes, but-this does however, prove my mother right: Idle hands ARE, in fact, the devil's tools!

This she created herself using IFakeText.com because the phone number is wrong and the Police Report filed was wrong

How can we avoid things like this happening?

A friend of mine, right on the very front of her myspace, introduces herself and gives you her last name! Right there, you are making yourself wide open and ready for the attack! No one except for your very close and personal friends need know your last name. Myspace is a place for criminals, and trust me- many of them are on there. And with myspace being the topic here-if some friend requests you, check out their profile first. If they have no picture-go read what they wrote. If they speak of sex, or where they work all through the profile- and you do not know them, do not approve. And by all means, don't be afraid to ask who they are, and why they want to be your friend!

If you are receiving email from people you do not know, if it has an attachment, and your program downloads it to read it, just delete it. Do not bother. If it was important, or someone you know, they will email back and ask if you seen it, or read it. Tell your friends and family, if they are sending you something to give you a heads up first!

These few things, will help you a great deal online. Because the internet, is not a safe place to be, believe it or not.

Now then, the stalker that my sister and I acquired was a friend of mine. Unfortunately she is obviously hanging around the wrong people, and the groups of them- have nothing better to do. So the target is my sister and I. Some of what I am being told, is that this person is trying to pit us against one another. If that doesn't prove the theory of boredom, I don't know what else could!
My sister and I, do not have the perfect relationship. Not that this is important to you, or to our stalker. But we do work at it, we are trying-but it is a slow and painful process. And because this stalker, knows me one on one, they know what trials and tribulations we have been through. So that is another thing to watch out for, even your friends and family can snap at the drop of a hat. Because everything between this friend and I was peachy keen, and then at the snap of a finger, without warning-poof everything changed. There was no warning! None, I am not kidding, because just the day before-my friend and I had talked, as friends do. So this is why it is even more confusing!
Apparently, everything has finally gotten to this friend. I have no clue, because all this person seems to do is email me with details on my sister, and trying to make trouble out of things that truly aren't troublesome. I mean, get this, she forwarded an email to me- from my sister, where my sister thanked, yes thanked this stalker for reading her content on A.C. because it was getting her paid. She proceeded to thank her for reading mine too, because she said, if you are reading mine, then I know you are reading my sisters, so thank you for making her money too! How is that bad? This stalker wrote atop the letter, look your sister still hates you, she still wants to make trouble, and ruin your life. I wrote back, with the answer of OK. I mean what else could I say? I have to sit in fear, of being TOS'ed just for responding, because I kid you not, this woman is stating on her myspace that she is reporting us for everything. And let's face it, big service providers like myspace and yahoo, have so many complaints and crap to deal with, do you really think they have time to read them all?

I have been being told by both my father and husband to ignore. My sister is being told by my father to ignore. We were raised, that if you leave and ignore the person, or problem-they will find someone else to bother and harass, because you aren't playing along! NOT TRUE! I hate to complain, but no- when said stalker, harasser or problem child, has no life-they apparently have all the time in the world! (Must be nice!)

It is sad, when the first thing you have to do when you climb out of bed, is run to your email, your myspace, and check to see if it is OK, and check your stalkers page, to see what they have written, since they are degrading you, and ruining your own name! How can this be legal? I thought there were laws! Defamation of character, harassment, this is just as much in real life, as it is and can be online.

Let me show you a few prime examples:

I feel that if the stalker, harasser, can name my sister and I, then we should by all means legally be able to say my stalker is-- and give you a name. But then as I write this, I am thinking-what if it is a person pretending to be said person. I am shaking my head; I am giving this person credit. With all the details, all the postings, everything that is being said, how can it be anyone else? And by all means, if I posted it, we both know the law is on the side of the criminal, which I am not. And it would be the criminal crying the blues-"How dare she write about me!" What ever happened to turn abouts fair play?!

Yeah, then the phrase hits me to turn the other cheek. I have turned them, and turned them, they both are red. Ignore. Yeah, but it is not you getting your name ruined. Sure it is advertisement for my sister and I. But is this the kind of mental advertisement we want? This is attracting more lunatics in my opinion.

I have informed cyber law agencies, I have informed the authorities, as have others. It took over a week for this person's second myspace to be deleted. And wrongfully, myspace wrote to me and told me they had deleted it-when they in fact had not. So naturally I wrote back, addressing the lie issue. Now I sit in fear of another new myspace for this person to make to degrade my sister and I. This just isn't right!

Associated Content had to close this person's account down, but that isn't going to stop them from going to the library and posting nasty and rude and hateful comments- and listing anyone's name that they want to. So then we have to baby sit dozens of articles, because Associated content does not send an email for every post received, even if you have it checked to be notified. I understand the surfer may have nice things to say, I have a few nice comments from the common surfer. But this internet thing, is really starting to make my blood pressure raise.

This is the new Account created After said account was closed with Yahoo.

This is one of her character flaws, doctoring photos, both of herself and of me, and than portraying herself thinner and better than anyone and everyone

Above is my bullies blog comparison chart

I am remembering my father telling me the internet is the devils tool and that the inventor, and I won't use a name - he is the anti Christ. My Aunt said that a long time ago, but I haven't heard it from her in quite sometime. She has an email account and writes to us all from time to time. I like it for keeping in touch with my family in another state. It is cheaper then long distance and I can blind copy and write to everyone at the same time when something interesting happens. Yes, there is always a pro and a con to everything.

If you have never been stalked, you are blessed. And if you have been stalked, I would be interested on how you resolved the situation. People say that when you apologize for something, for instance, when a relative dies, and you say, "I know how you feel." And honestly, you have never experienced death-why do you bother? Words. I am totally at a wits end, can you tell? I am totally and truly ranting! LOL

I want to get even, and trust me, I know it's wrong. I have prayed, friends and family have done so too. My Aunt tells me this is why my friend- the stalker is out of my life, because she prayed for the bad to leave. And they did this intensely the day that my friend up and decided to hit the road. When my aunt told me this, I was dumbfounded. I was at a loss for words. And my aunt told me, she was sick and tired of me doing the Christian thing and trying to help those less fortunate. She said it is my family that I need to focus on, and I asked what she meant. She explained, that I even needed to focus on my sister relationship, that they were praying about that too. And then I look at what is happening here with this stalker and my sister and I. Is it the Devil or is it God pushing us together? All this thinking is starting to hurt, and confuse me.

Presently I have acquired yet another stalker. Or "fan" if you will. This one posts about me on forums, daily and proudly. Yes, it is true-it is advertisement. But I ask you this, does this person have a life away from that computer screen? And again, my main concern, is how you can go by only one name, (probably not even your own name!) and blame people- literally blame others, claiming you have proof. I don't care about your proof, or any of your other lies. No one does. You are a very sad and lame individual who needs a life. I don't truly think you surfed and found me, I think you "know" me, and perhaps are jealous of me. You slam on my work, but have you ever thought I have the ORIGINAL work in my folder, and that when items here on A.C. are published errors happen? No program is perfect, I point blank made it public that I have requested to A.C. to change my trailer park article that you slam on daily. I am not entertained by you, and neither (obviously) are your friends and followers. A stalker is not a job, or hobby to be proud of.

I guess I will close with this:

Be aware their are sites like: www.ifaketext.com this is what my CyberIdiot uses to this day, (even though she doesn't even gave my real phone number and likes to pretend she honks she does!) the police will arrest first on site of said texts, it's the Judge and Jury and your Attorneys job to prove your innocence. Their is no such thing as innocent first. Trust me, I learned the first hand. The Criminals are winning. Their is no justice. 

AND:

To my stalkers, I thank you for helping my sister and I repair our relationship. Apparently, you are a blessing in disguise. I wish all the best for you, and thank you for helping us, my sister and I, with our incomes. God be with you, and may He help guide you back onto the right path!

To those of you having stalker issues I give you this warning: they are and can be dangerous, keep your guard up, protect yourself, and warn your friends and family. Also be aware, someone on the inside, just might be a leak-trust no one. And if it seems to suddenly stop-don't get your hopes up, the person might be "pretending" to be done with you, busy, or side tracked. Remember children? When they are being quiet-they are up to no good!! Let it be known, stalkers are and can be dangerous both online and off. The more they know and learn about you-they can then find you offline too. Protect yourself!

Published by Deneale K. Williams