Caring for the Morbidly Obese: Compassion is Key
I
am writing this, because people need to reconsider how they look at
things. Not all of us are perfect, and each person is an individual.
I feel that all people need to know how to take care of an obese person. You can even help them to start dropping pounds-in the event that they ever have or want to. And with today, the way people are-humanity is larger then it has ever been. And I meant this not just in the population sense, but also in the body size department.
Before I begin though, since we as people are so very judgmental, I want to familiarize you with the term obese. Therefore I looked up the definition and found it for you:
Obese:Well above ones normal weight. A person has traditionally been considered to be obese if they are more than 20 percent over their ideal weight. That ideal weight must take into account the person's height, age, sex, and build. This definition was found online at MedicineNet.com and it continues with details. You see, a person who stands only four foot five, and weighs in at one hundred and eighty pounds, with the BMI index that they use, this person can be considered obese. Now to further familiarize you with BMI, on the same web sight, I looked up BMI, so that you can understand what it is.
Body mass index:A key index for relating a person's body weight to their height. The body mass index (BMI) is a person's weight in kilograms (kg) divided by their height in meters (m) squared. This should give you a clearer look and understanding now. In other words, the people that most of us consider are obese, are usually morbidly obese. Because what you and I consider fat, is obese. As you can see, there is a difference. If you have any doubts, ask your health care professional.
First, to take care of this person, whether they are obese or morbidly obese, you must learn compassion. This means not looking at them and laughing. And it also means, not looking at them and feeling sympathy for them either. The condition that they are in, did not just up and appear by itself. It had help. And yes, some of the help, came from the enabler.
To take care of this person, you need not be an enabler; you must be a care giver. Also, let it be known-this could be an inherited condition or a medical condition-if you by chance- don't know the facts. The person you are tending to, is a person somewhere inside there. With a little help, you can find that person again. And I am going to teach you how.
This person, to which you are to now care for-needs enthusiasm. A reason to get up and move. Taking care of them in no way shape or form does not mean, waiting on them hand and foot. And yes, sometimes it will seem like you are a cheer leader, but trust me, in the long run it will help.
The worst thing that you will encounter, is the showering and bathing. They aren't going to admit that they need help, and they will tell you they can do it alone. But one thing you need to be aware, is that obese people, especially if they are morbidly obese-are not going to be able to clean every spot. And as time goes on, believe it or not-they will mold under the "fat flaps". This is where you come in. This is where you turn off your emotions and feelings, and simply want to clean them up, and see to it that they don't get what is often referred to as bed sores.
Bed sores, do not necessarily come from being in bed all of the time. They also grow because you are unable to reach and clean a certain spot. Make a simple sponge bath sound fun, and worth while. Even relaxing and refreshing! Make it sound like you have nothing better to do, and want to do it. Because if you are caring for a stubborn obese person, they don't care, and don't want you to know.
This is also where you can claim that in your studies, and/or that you have a relative who is just as big, and you help her- so it's not something new to you. Tell them there is nothing to be ashamed of, and draw up the sponge bath yourself, and just be a little pushy. Hopefully the person you are tending too, won't be irate and irrational.
For the sores, there is a Neosporin ointment that is good. No band aids! However with my own experiences I found that cleaning the sores, and putting the ointment on them, then putting a towel in the spot, keeping the medicine in the spot, and free of sweat and mold, the sores healed quicker. Part of the problem with the sores in the first place, is because the problem area is wet with sweat. After the sweat is there for a while, and the mold starts growing, then a rancid odor starts. When there are no sores, and you want to make a difference in the area, the smell and the fact that is always wet, this too, is where I discovered a towel helps. It gives that section of the body a break, so to speak.
Because obese people do not take care of themselves properly, and people are afraid to say something- this just keeps happening. With my friend, I told her I wanted her to change, and that I wanted her to be around longer. I also told her, because she was my friend, (hoping this would encourage her,) that she represented me. I also tried telling her, she was giving "fat" people a bad name. You know how it is, if one "fat" person smells, they all do. They label thing, I used whatever I could come up with to make this woman change. And I succeeded.
At first, the woman I took care of couldn't walk six feet without running out of breath, and sounding like she ran a mile. Winded and worn out. Think about this, the weight sits on the lungs and chest, so the heart is working much harder then it should have to.
So we started walking around the block daily. I figured if I made this a "we" thing, how could I go wrong? Everyone needs exercised. I also cut down her portions, and this woman was used to eating, and eating and eating. Refill after refill. I couldn't afford to feed her that much, and she did not need to have that much either! I would hear her belly growl constantly. So then I decided to do the dietary snacks; the rice cakes, I started reading calories, and everything. I put the change through the whole family. I made her start drinking water, and writing down things that were bothering her. I made her read, and focus on life. And then, I even made her get a job.
Fortunately, she had lost well over fifty pounds by the time the first job came to exist. So her breathing was less of a "show" and more discreet, so people were no longer staring at her for that. I bought her clothes that fit properly, and taught her how to match. I told her, that although you are fat, you don't have to look like you are a slob, and lazy. Make a statement, think positive and want to look good. I cut her hair, showed her how to do her make up, and trimmed her eye brows.
I was SO set on changing this woman, that I made sure to get the job with her, to be her support there too. The advantage, she now liked the way she looked and felt, and even the job.
Doing positive things to people, helps them to want to change. And you have to do this right, so it's not like you are nagging and complaining. "I want what's best for you!" That is your goal. If you can't cut hair, then style it, maybe even curl it with a curling iron or something. Show them how to improve with what they already have.
If it is a man, a hair style change is still an idea. Perhaps shaping a beard, growing a mustache. "Gee, Carl-I wonder what you would look like with a mustache. I bet it would look sexy!" That builds them up, and they will want to. Not just to please you either. And as far as men go, there are other things you can do. Pluck the unibrow; trim the nose hairs, the hairs in the ears, little things. And then make a big deal out of it when you are done. "Yeah, now that looks nice! Wonder what Debbie next door will think now?"
Your goal is to be the teacher, the instructor, the counselor, and the friend. All wrapped up into one. You can do it. You're changing someone, and helping them to live longer. And even if they quit doing it after a while, after loosing over one hundred pounds or so-you still made a difference. You made them change, taught them how to eat right, and taught them how to better themselves. Even if they go back to the way they were-they will still remember, and so will everyone else!
And if they walk away, or throw you to the wolves, and do go back to the way they were. Someone's going to ask them-"What?! You're putting that weight back on? I thought Sybil changed you. I thought you liked the way you looked. Why are you doing this??"
And after the day is done, when you go to bed at night, you deserve a pat on the back. And that pat isn't just coming from your conscience; it is also coming from the Lord himself. You did what was right. Don't give up. The weight is not going to fall off over night, either.
And if this obese person is you, and you need someone to help you-ask. I am sure someone would want to help you, support you, and be the leaning tower that you need. And if you have no one, and even if you do-I strongly recommend buying a journal. Take your anger out in the journal. Don't let your upset feelings, make you eat. Write. More often then not, THAT is how people put on the weight. No one would listen, no one except that bowl of ice cream. No. That's where you're wrong. That journal will always listen, and as you're writing, God is listening too. After you are done writing, pray to Him for guidance and support. That's what He is there for.
Never give up on anyone, especially yourself. We were ALL put on this Earth for a purpose. Just because you don't know, or "think" you don't what it is, doesn't give you just cause to decide to give up. Someone needs you, someone wants you. And believe it or not, God loves you. If you ever need moral support, don't be afraid to ask a Church, your family and friends. And don't hesitate to ask God.
If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me, I am willing to help too.
Published by Deneale K. Williams
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